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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| typical reaction to riced out yugo #15 | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-05-16 04:14:08 | |
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| Continental Mark Fortune | |
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i had a bit a of a predicament on my hands. i usually drove a series of forgettable beaters, purchased from my dealer, Roynaldo Dingo, for $500 a pop. i particularly enjoyed old volvo station wagons and toyota corollas, and Roynaldo always hung onto them for me, because he knew i was good for about three or four a month, depending on how feisty the cops were feeling.
tonight, though, there was some friction. i needed to drop into kitty's nightclub, and something slightly more upscale was necessitated. Roynaldo had a line on a slightly abused Lincoln Continental Mark IV, but he let it go to someone else because they offered $1250 and he had some really sharp, 80s-era Corolla hatchbacks on his lot. i was not amused. i screamed into my 80s brick phone as Roynaldo tried to pull his middle-eastern, "brother, we are all equal" shit. but i wasn't having none of it. i threatened to find whoever he sold that Continental Mark IV to and beat their head in with a catalytic converter. the situation was defused when a drugged-out, disoriented mobster drove onto Roynaldo's lot with another Continental, right as we were arguing. he offered the deed to the car for two grams of pure methamphetamine (i heard this wafting over the speakerphone, as Roynaldo had never quite mastered the "hold" function) and i soon had the desired Continental Mark IV for a surprisingly low $750. lady luck smiles on me tonight. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-05-08 23:01:30 | |
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| Typical Reaction to Riced Out Yugo #183971719389190438 subcategory 3 type 1 | |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2012-05-02 11:16:15 | |
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| mixing | |
| o yea fire agjksdljsldk can u feel it TOO SSstrong ccheck thsi out OOOUYeah can u feel it ~warm water~ whooo baby sterling microarchitecture calorismic transponders OOOOyeah can u feel it PUMP UP THE BASS tot tottotototottotoototot hihats. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-04-27 02:44:46 | |
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| lol winfone | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-04-14 15:45:11 | |
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| dichtotomy!! | |
the options are:
how did the waveforms collapse? we went with pizza/LBFE/assassin's creed. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-04-10 18:46:35 | |
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| Birdfeeder | |
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It started as a joke: the kitty wanted a minimalist birdfeeder. So we all got in the car, and went to the birdfeeder store. He pawed at the ones that kept squirrels away by sliding shut when something of sufficient size was hanging from the perches, and the big wire-mesh tubes (which would really 'only attract finches'). There were the ones which were plastic tubes with metal perches and detachable bottom ends for cleaning. (I thought the first kind to be a particularly elegant hack.) He meowed, and we eventually settled on the cheesily-named |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2012-04-08 12:25:39 | |
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| waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle waffle | |
| Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-04-08 12:05:38 | |
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| so you've decided to be a conservative | |
so, you've decided to be a conservative! no, not in the richard hooker/david hume sense, but in the hardcore, chest-beating american sense. here are some basic guidelines for conduct:
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-04-02 11:45:59 | |
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| twoth the zeppelin | |
| 'ere laddie! come hear the tale of the zeppelin of steve. the most majestic zeppelin in all the kingdo- hey? where you going? sit down. ok. now where was i. it was the most majestic pinto in all the zeppelin of kingdom. it floated amighty 'twixt the yonder arboretums of his father great steve the sire. young steve wanted to pilot that zepplin, you see. but great steve the sire said he was too young, so he snuck up to the zepplenry one evening. ah, i have your ear now, don't i? yes sir. he's seen them do it a thousand times, and so he just did it himself. he floated off quietly, undetected. the wind whipped his hair around; the lad had never felt so alive. then he pulled out the lighter and bag of dogshit he brought along. he dropped that bag down on the doorstep of steve the sire from on high, splattering flaming dog shit all over the royal lawn. then steve sailed off to vegas, because the internet said there were hookers ther- hey! jeez, sorry lady! i was just telling your kid a story. sorry! ok! sorry! don't call the cops please | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-03-29 03:16:10 | |
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| typical reaction to riced out yugo #15 | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-03-25 03:46:59 | |
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| gooey pledge members do not touch | |
| the pledge members are after me again. i refuse to participate in the neighborhood watch program, and my patch of crocus flowers is slightly off-kilter in relation to the front path. sometimes i even forget to put my garbage out on garbage day. but still, i do not deserve this harassment. the pledge members conspire with the mailman and the mailman does not check my mailbox some days. the pledge member hit squad flies by my residence in the early AM, throwing little plastic bags onto my driveway, bags which contain a handful of white rocks, along with a suggestion that i align my crocus patch. i have made a pile of them on my front lawn out of protest: a pile of rocks in bags. it gets rained on. my crocuses are unaware. but the pledge members continue their harassment: shutting off my visa card for "fraud" when there is no fraud, then bombarding me with credit card offers. blowing leaves onto my lawn with leaf blowers, then complaining that i have leaves on my lawn. telling me my call is important, while continuing to ignore it. fucking pledge members | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-03-23 01:50:48 | |
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| CANYON.MID | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-03-19 18:45:26 | |
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| Knocking on Kevin's door. | |
....I knew a kid who's favorite zeppelin song was "Ramble On". He was a good kid.... |
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| Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-03-08 21:07:25 | |
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| AUGMENTED REALITY GOOGLES | |
side effects of augmented reality googles: increasing disconnection from normal reality |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-21 23:46:15 | |
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| typical reaction to riced out yugo #15 | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-21 22:30:43 | |
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| HISTORY OF THE INTERNET | |
| the internet grew out of DERPANET, a top-secret military project intended to build a system capable of turning absolutely anything into a game of telephone, even after withstanding a full-scale nuclear attack. eventually, pirates found a loophole in this system, and used the internet to transmit illegal episodes of "the jersey shore" with minimal error. indeed, only the commercials seemed to go missing, with the rest of the signal only weathering some lossy encoding. this greatly angered the socio-military-industrial complex that had birthed DERPANET/the internet, and so it passed a bunch of laws intended to put a stop to this monkey business. the internet responded in typical form, passing the laws around and adding trollface on top until fbi.gov concluded it was being DDoS'd. fbi.gov responded by arresting the largest, slowest, most obvious internet user they could find, kim dotcom. the internet responded in typical form, by passing around youtube videos of kim dotcom driving a mercedes benz on a golf course until microbing.com concluded it was being DDoS'd. microbing.com responded by "tying" all their products together, clenching tighter than the pope's arsehole (capable of turning carbon into diamonds after being penetrated at the age of 12 by adolf hitler). the internet responded in typical form, installing ubuntu until microbing.com went away. the socio-military-industrial complex said "FFFFFFFFFFFUuuuuuuuuuuu" and the internet responded in typical form, by replying to the email with goatse. the end | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-19 22:23:25 | |
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| page 2 | |
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1. post install operator driver disc 2. for installing windows in year of the water pig, become one with section 14q. for OSX, press OK and clench bowels mightily. linux is poor support 3. setup wizard guide you to computational elders 4. hot iron rod brands new volume "name" of user specification 5. reboot |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-07 10:45:00 | |
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| page 1 | |
| thank u for purchase kingston whateverthefuckq 200. we hope u put in computer long time. 90 day long time war and tea | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-07 04:24:21 | |
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| a city of syrup-encrusted lard rinds | |
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we entered the international house of pancakes, against my better judgement. porkhat 54 had demanded a triple-stack with a side of lardon, so in we went.
the entire place was coated in a thin residue of syrup. the waitress showed us to a booth, and my ass immediately formed an epoxy bond to the plastic. there was a tray on the table with crusty syrup dispensers, bearing descriptions that utterly terrified me: burberry. butterscotch. fancybrine. and their lardon was fucking shit, too. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-02-02 08:29:58 | |
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