HERE"S HOW TEH FIELD LOOKS, FOLKS
- Rudy Giuliani: The Paris Hilton of Politics
Claim to fame: The fame of both Paris and Giuliani stems soley from something going down, and making phone calls during the middle of filmed social functions.
Damage potential: Nuke-happy. If he could find Iran on a map, I'd be worried.
- Mitt Romney: The Walmart of Politics
Claim to fame: A professional weasel, Mitt Romney is the GOP's answer to John Kerry.
Damage potential: As he seems to be entirely loyal to corporate interests, and corporations have no interest in seeing their clientelle dead, Romney will most likely NOT bomb Iran.
- Ron Paul: The GOP's Howard Dean
Claim to fame: Able to use youtube.
Damange potential: Well, how did Howard Dean do?
- Hiliary Clinton: Janet Reno with Rabies
Claim to Fame: Was cheated on by Bill Clinton. After the GOP defended her honor by attempting to impeach her husband, she swore an oath of loyalty to them in secret.
Damage potential: She will swear she will never bomb Iran until the day she is sworn in. Then she will bomb Iran. Unfortunately, she will probably win the election.
- Barack Obama: The Bela Lugosi of politics
Claim to Fame: Was once poor & black.
Damage potential: Will not bomb Iran, but quite possibly bust a cap in their ass.
- John Edwards: Reincarnated, seriously insane christian pulpit scorcher
Claim to fame: Wife has cancer.
Damage potential: "The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours. You have offended him infinitely more than ever a stubborn rebel did his prince; and yet it is nothing but his hand that holds you from falling into the fire every moment. It is to be ascribed to nothing else, that you did not go to hell the last night; that you was suffered to awake again in this world, after you closed your eyes to sleep. And there is no other reason to be given, why you have not dropped into hell since you arose in the morning, but that God's hand has held you up. There is no other reason to be given why you have not gone to hell, since you have sat here in the house of God, provoking his pure eyes by your sinful wicked manner of attending his solemn worship. Yea, there is nothing else that is to be given as a reason why you do not this very moment drop down into hell."
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