Riced Out Yugo
Neo-vaporwave historian
Welcome to the parquet loungeā„¢
Posted by shitbowl @ 2018-10-14 01:06:10
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some guy's livestream be like
set it to a color and set it to a color and set it to black so you know what's going on with the spots. that doesn't really look like underwater, does it? so the sky's scatter medium, i'll jack the thickness all the way up. i believe it's black, but you can go in and load your own black just in case... now, the scale, depends on the scene, and your scene's scale. now we're just going to go into... sorry, got lost... we're going to.. go.. into.. ok... we change the scale of the scene, and it kind of changes the scale of the fog, and i'm looking for a place when the fog just makes things kind of disappear. i'm going to go back to my bro-graph spotlight... you're gonna go to da power... and i'm really gonna crank that sucka up. we should be able to see this in realtime
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-10-04 00:50:11
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it's a facqt
a man, across the room, confined within a laptop, speaks of the default cube, and his box, and his fog. he is unaware he is inside a laptop, and that i am actually done eating pizza. like -- all. done. i had a big lunch u noe
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-10-04 00:23:32
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oggminted reality
the vorbis stone was finally within my possession. my control of the frugality matrix would be ultimate; elegant. transmuting bits with the optimum of c0deZ on da cybernetic mainframe of the collective unconscious. i would have the ability to compress a funny video of fainting goats into mere tens of bits, through some sort of quantum, reality-bending... whatever. time to put amazon AWS out of bidness
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-10-03 00:05:57
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American squareball
Ya I forgot this year but yea we cool. Ya mate I drink only fair trade coffee. But the problem lies in the atmosphere, an oak tree fighting a dolphin can't really work in real life. It's all about the particular atmosphere and turns into a "what will die first" type of sitch. Ya mate I do drink fair trade, fresh ground coffee. Plus an oak tree can't really "move" per se, or in a "fighting" sense, to say the least; so maybe the dolphin would "win" in a "hits" sitch. But ya mate, I really drink only fair trade organic fresh ground coffee. So, I don't know, personally, I don't think a dolphin would fight an oak tree in any type of sitch, regardless of atmosphere, compensation or aggravation, ya dig? Oh and ya mate, I only drink fair trade, fresh ground organic black coffee.
Posted by shitbowl @ 2018-09-24 16:32:25
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graceful engineering under pressure
i have to attach a levitating walrus to an unsuspecting elevator in under 37 minutes, or my career in reality television is over -- like, finished. the frantic hours in which i furiously weld a walrus waveguide are mercilessly videotaped. a genuine hush overtakes the crew as i gently cart my walrus into the arc matrix... a bead of sweat crests my brow, and it is captured in 8k resolution. the walrus, thankfully, levitates, and the elevator rises gently out of its moorings. i have succeeded. i crack i a smile. now it is only a question of whether my walrus elevator will make the final cut
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-09-23 03:41:12
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i can't meddit togiggler
metric focustrite had epic salvage rights in the frontline cattamatrix of tinny little grapefruit vines. i had to focus. no, i didn't. did i? anyways, focus, rite. metric had epic salvage rites in the frontline kattywampus of bassy pineapple grenades in alleys of your vines. i had to, right. no, did i? wrong. anyways, rite, focus
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-09-23 03:35:27
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da news
the once-glorious chrysanthemum architecture was now-semi viscous. nobscott would never recover from the cataclysmic rift in spacerhyme that resulted from a genuine rap god descending to planet earth for a total of 3.17 minutes. exclamation points clonked down on the sidewalk as suckaz were pwnd without mercy. in downtown ableton, traffic is heavy. the loop on track eight is stretched to da max
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-09-23 03:32:54
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you're a rare noodle
so there's this korg wavestation ex sitting on the table and i have hedfones and a fone and it's like: maybe i could play the korg wavestation ex, listen to the fones on the phones output, use some connector bodge for the 1/L 2/R outputs to output to my fone's input (its hedfone jack).

we've been here before; my brain goes to work. the optimum arrangement would be a male 3.5mm jack with a 6-foot cable to a pair of split RCA outs, color-coded for left and right (ideally with gold-plated connectors [radio shack, we miss ya]). From there, a pair of (ideally gold-plated) RCA to 1/4" adapters.

My process is one of feeling a solution out from a matrix of data culled from years of previous trauma: A cable that breaks out to 3.5mm jacks will have questionable stereo-ocity. 3.5mm to 1/4" jacks further complicate stereo-ocity. they wedge out forever, putting more torque on the synth's connectors. grounding issues can emerge out of the woodwork. it is chaos. anarchy

no, the RCA to 1/4" are shorter, unarguably grounded, and any cable going 3.5mm to 1/4" is reliably color-coded, not anarchy, etc.

perhaps this could be an app. you input your synthesis cabling dilemma, and the app spouts out a few solutions that are projected to be most optimal.

wait... it would be MUCH better if you had the user input a list of what cables and adapters they had on-hand... so you could then compute optimal solutions based on what the user actually had on-hand (like, when i was really broke, once, i found this site. you would type in a list of the groceries you had, and it would split out a list of possible recipes [and that's how i learned to cook without eggs]) and then have referral links to a corporate sponsor (ideally radio shack). since you know what people have, and what they want to do, you are in a superb position to know exactly what to sell them.

...but, how would you get people to sit there and inventory their cables? i suppose the best psychological approach would be to break it down into a series of friendly questions like: "let's talk about plug adapters! gather all the plug adapters you aren't using, and take a photo." licensed google AI then takes over, inventory-ing the dongles, their quantity, type, gold-plated status, etc... 'thanks, super! next, find your unused cables with 1/4" plugs' and use that to unfold a flowchart of increasingly targeted AI questions.

shit, i think i'm just going to play the korg wavestation ex. and i'm not even gonna rekord git
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-09-13 00:47:05
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fragmentwinninol
polka reflectomleter lest it leflect lee lack. cordon boo mishmosh teripentintollwutti-bgutter. typing words is possible, but volitious. sometimes i soeakeajk with th e irc robot in german but it uhndernaderand i donty es.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-09-03 19:59:46
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water down your milk mouth window licker
Water in the bottle milk in the glass wateater in the bottle milk in the glass water in the bottle milk in the glass Water in the bottle milk in the glass wateater in the bottle milk in the glass water in the bottle milk in the glass Water in the bottle milk in the glass wateater in the bottle milk in the glass water in the bottle milk in the glass Water in the bottle milk in the glass wateater in the bottle milk in the glass water in the bottle milk in the glass aphextwinleakedmedia.gif
Posted by shitbowl @ 2018-08-21 22:33:24
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snaux paw
fing done whops in the mexicotta wee-woo gesundheit my man have you done fiddled in the rain with gestapo complex? my massachusetts to your conscience, for the burrito bandit hath flown to the spiral parking garage de-ramp
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-08-04 23:13:42
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internet explotion
internet can u c my b1ink?
Posted by shitbowl @ 2018-07-31 23:54:54
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the circuit of bargains
furious noodle begot pentium ziv in the effluvious infomalarky of intangible ted's circuit of bargain ciruits bargain store. i was searching for bargains on bargains on bargins when a circuit on a bargain caught my eye. this was what i'd been searching for. but could i further bargain this bargain this bargain this pargan this paragus as paragus et cetera? i was not so not so sure, of this i was certain. at the circuit. of bargains
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-07-06 06:39:05
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kie
do u wanna cookie
  cookie cookie cookie such   cookie

ookie
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-06-28 05:34:42
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computer graphics style: reanimation jutsu
...effervescent trount fanned and fawned on the intercostal plane of summoning billy mays. with the power of oxy-clean! come forth and crush thine enemies! or maybe just chill, you know, and cause some massive destruction. cool? ok.

so then billy mays climbs out of a gravity portal and performs the sacred jutsu of hucksterism and totally wrecks the band of cybernetic gangsters that just busted in off the screamcast and -- no? ok.

...well, okay, there's this american band trying to sound like a japanese band trying to sound like a 60's english pink floyd band and they're on their way to japan when the plane flies into a spacetime-continuum vortex. it's this freaky dark void with teeth and eyes. cool? ok.

so then a space billy mays climbs out of an intercostal space portal, ten times taller than the plane, and performs the sacred hucksterism of jutsu, sucking the cybernetic gangsters back over from the previous plotline. the cybernetic gangsters hurtle into the vortex mouths (which totally explains how the cybernetic gangsters got wrecked), and -- no? ok

so a supergenius has created a computer simulation of a computer simulation of reality. the simulation of the simulation of reality becomes more than just a simulation of a simulation -- it becomes a simulation. but, then, get this, right -- the simulation starts to become more than a simulation. it starts to become reality.

so then a cybernetic hacking gangster tumbles out of a simulation portal and his cyber avatar is billy mays. he performs the sacred jutsu of hucksterism and summons a...

huh?

dead? what do you mean, dead?

i don't care! i need him to star in my film. cast him by any means necessary. any. means necessary. and that means necessary

what? shit, yeah, alright. let's just do it with computer graphics
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-06-25 04:35:05
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everyone has a weakness
titanium lou was unamused. adamantium gary needed the stuff by thoisday, and bakelite ted was sitting on the crapper again.

"look," i belted out, losing patience -- "align the server with the setting sun, but offset fifteen degrees west. then patch apache"

titanium lou cut me off. "whoa, buddy! i told ya's, we don't run apache, we run drupal."

titanium lou never did have a particularly firm grasp of full-stack web development
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-06-24 18:23:18
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Why'd ya think Mike Colameco's hands look like android hands drawn by human hands as human hands?
Posted by shitbowl @ 2018-06-19 16:38:44
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a brief malfuncqti
forthwith peeves are truncated plaps collapse sypapse peep peep peep yap. there are fifteen gutters in every dolphin, phyiscs has decreed. my eyeball is mauve. muave? mauve? muave? mauve? move meuve? i seem to havefig
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-06-15 02:14:28
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Entrance Exam
Welcome to your job entrance exam. There is no penalty for failing, but you cannot leave this room -- ever -- until you pass. Please be seated, possibly forever.

1] Analyze the corresponding subspace bracket for zimmolier structure theta, with the assumption that the local cheddar is excellent.

2] This question is multiple choice:

a) We'll see.
b) Go ask your father.
c) horse tranquilizers

3] Attached is the audio of Ms. Grettel's kindergarten classes singing Yankee Doodle, class years 2000-10. Implement a FFT and use a back-prop neural network to analyze the FFT's output. Train the network to sing Yankee Doodle. Submit a FLAC of your network's rendering, and your source code -- in javascript.

4] Please list every acronym relevant to the industry, and what you believe the acronym to stand for.

5] Compose an opera metal song about Donald Knuth. Extra points will be awarded for sounding like Blind Guardian.

6] Explain how you are helping to stop sexual harassment in the workplace.

7] Explain how pixels get on the screen.

8] Please tell us a little about yourself. Be creative!

9] Are you Certified to work In A Cubicle, in America, as a Citizen? [Y/N]


10] [*BONUS QUESTION*] Explain how to do something actually useful with existing quantum computers.

11] [*DOUBLE BONUS QUESTION*] Devise a foolproof rollout strategy for calibrating the ICC profiles on 20,000 assorted beige boxes running sundry flavors of linux.


Good Luck!
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2018-06-04 01:44:19
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