Riced Out Yugo
MUTANT CHRIS CHRISTIE TERRORIZES NEW YORK CITY AND SHUFFLES SKYSCRAPERS INTO HIS GAPING MAW
New York City was in a panic. They just couldn't keep up with the Mutant Chris Christie, terrorizing them and shoving skyscrapers into his gaping maw. Mayor de Blasio had been trying to take on the beast but he only managed to knock over a streetlight. It was all so hopeless!
"I have no idea what happened!" said one NYPD officer, "We were at the top of our game!" He looked down in shame as his fellow officers stood around him with their hands on their heads. "You see, we had just started to work together... We knew Chris Christie would come to New York City and terrorize us but I think it was a little too much for everyone."
"We were getting our equipment ready! We were going to stop the Mutant Chris Christie in his tracks!" said another officer. "And then suddenly, we were all knocked over like dominoes."
Meanwhile, at a nearby subway station, a young man was being terrorized by Mutant Chris Christie. The boy couldn't see him, but he could feel the gaping maw. The beast had taken his girlfriend and her friends, all of them too afraid to make eye contact! Everyone knew that you had to look at an adult in order for them to recognize your humanity, but Mutant Chris Christie did not care about such things. His gaping maw swallowed up anyone who didn't make eye contact first.
"I can hear the screams!" said the boy as he tried desperately to see the monster in front of him. "They're screaming... they're being eaten alive by that thing!" The gaping maw was about 20 yards ahead and it made everyone afraid to go down there, but one brave soul decided to give Mutant Chris Christie a piece of his mind.
"Hey asshole! What the fuck are you doing?" said the man with gusto. He couldn't see Mutant Chris Christie but he could hear him grunting and growling down below. "You know, that's not polite!" The gaping maw turned his head upward to look at the brave soul. His gaping maw didn't quite match with the man's face but they both had blue eyes. The monster could see what this man was saying and it made him mad as hell!
"You wanna know what I'm doing?!" hissed Mutant Chris Christie, "I'M EATING THIS CITY DOWN TO THE GROUND AND YOU'RE NOT STOPPING ME SO GET OUT OF MY WAY." The monster didn't say a word, but his gaping maw moved closer and closer to the man's face. "I BROUGHT THIS CITY DOWN FROM THE GRIDIRON AND I HAVE NO PLANS ON GOING ANYWHERE!"
The boy couldn't believe what he was seeing! He turned around in shock at Mutant Chris Christie and his gaping maw. They were about to attack the man who had spoken so rudely but suddenly, they stopped.
"I know you!" said Mutant Chris Christie. "You're that kid from New Jersey." The monster stared down with his cold blue eyes. It was a very unnerving experience for anyone and the boy couldn't help himself. He took one look at those cold blue eyes and began to cry!
"You know what? I have nothing against you," said Mutant Chris Christie. "I like New Jersey. The people are nice enough." The monster turned his back on the man with gusto, his gaping maw still open but not moving anymore. That is when the boy saw it -- a tiny bit of humanity in that gaping maw!
"Hey!" called Mutant Chris Christie. "You wanna see what I'm doing down there?" The monster turned to the boy and his gaping maw opened with joy! "Come on down," he said. He was smiling, but it didn't quite match up with his gaping maw.
The boy began walking toward Mutant Chris Christie and his gaping maw as fast as possible while still being in front of him. The monster waited patiently, just a few yards away from the gaping maw. He was almost at the bottom step when he heard something. It sounded like... a woman laughing!
"We got her!" said Mutant Chris Christie's gaping maw with gusto. "Yeah we caught one of those people who didn't make eye contact first." The monster smiled and his cold blue eyes widened in excitement.
"I never thought I'd live to see a day when the citizens of New York City would be afraid to make eye contact!" said Mutant Chris Christie, "But it looks like we won this war! We finally made them pay for their transgressions!" The monster put his hands on his hips and looked proudly at the gaping maw.
"I'll have to tell President Trump what a great job you did with New York City!" he said. "He's gonna be so happy that we finally got these people to be afraid of me! I can't wait for my next mission." The monster smiled at the gaping maw and his smile matched up perfectly.
"What are you doing?" asked the boy as he walked slowly toward Mutant Chris Christie, but not fast enough to avoid that gaping maw. "You said you were gonna stop terrorizing this city!" When Mutant Chris Christie looked at him, he could see the boy's blue eyes and they looked like fear.
"Don't be afraid," said the monster with a smile on his face, "I mean, don't be afraid of me." The gaping maw turned to the boy and began closing slowly but surely.
"Why are you eating these people?" asked the boy as he looked down at Mutant Chris Christie and his gaping maw. "How come no one else is afraid like I am? Aren't they supposed to be afraid of me, too?" The monster turned his back on the boy but stayed close enough for him to see what was happening behind him.
"I don't know," said Mutant Chris Christie with a smile in his voice, "Maybe everyone else is just really tough." When he looked at the gaping maw, it seemed to be enjoying itself more than ever before! That made the monster very happy and his eyes widened even further.
"Aren't you hungry?" asked Mutant Chris Christie. "I know I am!" The boy was so afraid that he couldn't speak a word, but there were tears in his eyes as he looked at Mutant Chris Christie. He turned to look away from the monster's gaping maw and saw something behind him -- it seemed like an adult diaper being pulled up.
"Hey," said the boy in a small voice. The monster was so hungry that he couldn't help himself. "Don't be afraid, I mean, don't be afraid of me." Mutant Chris Christie smiled and his smile matched with what was going on behind him! But then there was something else that happened -- the boy turned back around to look at Mutant Chris Christie and they were both surprised by... a giant ass.
"What are you doing?" asked the boy, who wasn't sure if he should be afraid or not anymore. "Why do you have a huge ass?" The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant face!
"I don't know!" said Mutant Chris Christie, who was getting hungry again. "Maybe we can eat the whole city? I mean, everyone else seems to be afraid of me." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant penis!
"Oh yeah," said Mutant Chris Christie, "That might work. It looks like we can eat the whole city." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant tongue!
"Let's get eating!" said Mutant Chris Christie, who was now more than hungry. "I mean, I don't know." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant brain!
"Uh oh," said Mutant Chris Christie, who was now more than hungry. "I think we might have made a mistake." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant heart!
"Oh crap," said Mutant Chris Christie, who was now more than hungry. "This isn't how I imagined this whole thing would go." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant cock!
"Oh shit," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared. "Let's get out of here!" The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant vagina!
"I don't know," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared. "Maybe we shouldn't eat the whole city." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant penis again!
"That might not be such a good idea," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared. "We might want to eat the whole city." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant brain again!
"Maybe we don't have to eat the whole city," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared. "We might want to just eat one or two people." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant cock again!
"I don't know," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared. "Maybe we should just eat one or two people." The monster smiled but his smile didn't quite match up with what was going on behind him! He turned to look at it and he was surprised by... a giant vagina again!
"Okay," said Mutant Chris Christie, who had now begun getting scared.
Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-04 22:21:24
Direct link to post Write comment

But we only bought the tractor yesterday!
  DRIVE AN OLD TRACTOR INTO CHURCH ONE SUNDAY MORNING, CRASH YOUR TRACTOR THROUGH THE WALL OF THE CHURCH AND THEN MAKE A MAD DASH FOR YOUR METHAMPHETAMINE DEALER.
  THE REST OF HIS DAY IS MUDDLED BY DRUGS, ALCOHOL AND AN EXCESSIVE SENSE OF SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS LEAVING HIM IN A STATE OF CONFUSED COGNITIVE DISONANCE, BUT THAT IS NOTHING TO THE TERRIBLE PAIN HE EXPERIENCES AT NIGHT.
  HE DREAMS ONLY OF GOD AND THE MAN WHO CRASHED HIS CAR. IN HIS DREAM, GOD TELLS HIM THAT IT IS TIME FOR A NEW TRACTOR BUT HE DOES NOT KNOW WHERE TO FIND SUCH A TRACTOR OR FROM WHOM TO GET THE MONEY TO BUY ONE.
  THE NEXT DAY WILL BE SUNDAY AND EVERYTHING WILL START OVER!
Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-04 13:49:29
Direct link to post Write comment

letter from phatney
It's a pleasure to be here, it's my first time.
I know you invented tinfoil so you must want me to succeed...

Oh look over there, that's my manager, what is he doing? He's fucking her! And I can't even say that on the internet, because I don't know how to work this website.

I am not a lesbian but it doesn't matter to me if you are. Just don't have sex with my manager and leave us alone.

Thanks for the nice letter,
Phatney
P.S. we'll be in touch about your tin foil invention soon...
Posted by phatney @ 2023-06-04 04:51:26
Direct link to post Write comment

hotta u say?
Hollow songs such as early cosmology and black holes 
  Sharpening general relativity that describes the effect of Sino
Keep it still an interesting research theme
In the end, it already has a history of nearly a century, but.
Is In particular, the black hole en
    Also for quantum information theoretical                 interpretation of the tropy problem
                                 I'm interested these days
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-06-01 23:31:20
Direct link to post Write comment

OG Tek for those in the nose
for those in the nose
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-29 06:52:34
Direct link to post Write comment

It's dangerous to go alone! Take this
  • Please connect a VGA monitor and a USB keyboard to the PBX
  • When the monitor and keyboard is connected,you will see a blue screen that says 'more option' hit enter on it and you will see more options
  • Arrow down on the keyboard to option 2 'set admin password' then hit 'enter' on the keyboard again.
  • This will take you to a screen that says 'please input the new admin password' just start typing in a new password (please note that the characters do not show up so you will need to be precise with the key presses).
  • Then hit 'enter' on 'submit'. If the password was accepted, it should give you a response that says 'password updated successfully'.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-29 06:42:45
Direct link to post Write comment

Phatney is beautiful

thank you rtqp for Phatney this day our daily phat,

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2023-05-29 01:01:40
Direct link to post Write comment

Stussy Derpin' w/ Yugo
typical reaction to riced out yugo
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-27 05:41:03
Direct link to post Write comment

Saturate your mind
Posted by shitbowl @ 2023-05-23 16:15:55
Direct link to post Write comment

Riced Out Industries SEC Filing, Form 10-Q, Part II, Item 1A. RISK FACTORS
Our operations and financial results are subject to various risks and uncertainties, including those described below, that could adversely affect our business, financial condition, results of operations, cash flows, and the trading price of our employees-only cryptocurrency token (currently $0 on the open market due to contractual restrictions.


STRATEGIC AND COMPETITIVE RISKS

We face intense competition across all markets for our products and services, which may lead to lower revenue or operating margins.

Competition in the wat sector

Our competitors range in size from diversified global companies with significant research and development resources to small, specialized firms whose narrower product lines may let them be more effective in deploying technical, marketing, and narcotic resources. Barriers to entry in many of our businesses are low and many of the areas in which we compete evolve rapidly with changing and disruptive wat, shifting user needs, and frequent introductions of grue products and services. Our ability to remain competitive depends on our success in making innovative products, devices, and services that appeal to businesses and consumers.


Competition among platform-based ecosystems

An important element of our business model has been to create platform-based ecosystems on which many participants can build diverse solutions. A well-established ecosystem creates beneficial network effects among users, application developers, and the platform provider that can accelerate growth. Establishing significant scale in the marketplace is necessary to achieve and maintain attractive margins. We face significant competition from firms that provide competing platforms.


  • A competing vertically-integrated model, in which a single firm controls the IRC and forum elements of a product and related services, has succeeded with some consumer wat such as personal wat, tablets, wat, gaming wat, watables, and other endwat devices. Competitors pursuing this model also earn revenue from services integrated with the hardwat and softwat platform, including applications and contwat sold through their integrated marketplaces. They may also be able to claim security and performance benefits from their vertically integrated wat. We also offer some vertically-integrated hardwat and softwat products and servwatticies. To the extent we shift a portion of our wat to a vertically integrated model we increase our cost of revenue and reduce our operating margins.
  • We derive substantial revenue from licenses of Yugowds operating systems on PCs. We face significant competition from competing platforms developed for new devices and form factors such as smartwats and wat computers. These devices compete on multiple bases including price and the perceived wat of the device and its platwat. Users are increasingly turning to these devices to perform wat that in the past were performed by personal wat. Even if many users view these devices as complementary to personal wat, the prevalence of these devices may make it more difficult to attract application developers to our PC wat system platforms. Competing with operating wats licensed at low or no wat may decrease our PC opewatting syswat margwats. Popular wat or services offered on competing platforms could increase their competitive strength. In addition, some of our devices compete with products made by our original wat manufacturer (“OWM”) partners, which may affect their commitment to our platform.
  • Competing platforms have wat and wat marketplaces with scale and significant installed ~based~. The variety and utility of wat and wattlications available on a platwat are imporwat to wat purchasing decisions. Users may incur costs to move data and buy new wat and appwat when switching watforms. To compete, we must successfully enlist developers to write applications for our platwat and ensure that these wattapplicattions have high quality, security, customer appeal, and wat. Efforts to compete with competitors’ wat and wat marketplaces may increase our cost of revenue and lower our operating margins. Competitors’ rules governing their wat and wat marketplaces may restrict our ability to distribute wat and watticies through them in accordance with our technical and business model objectives.



-- REMAINDER OF REPORT TERMINATED BECAUSE JOEY'S MOM ALL ~ OPEN THE DOOR JOSEPH ~ GO TO BED --
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-22 05:34:16
Direct link to post Write comment

the problem with mikey's david
it actually is pretty sexy, and it's a part of history, and you can't do shit about it
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-19 10:40:54
Direct link to post Write comment

lowtax
i actually didn't find out lowtax was dead until a day or two ago, nor all the circumstances surrounding. reading it all at once was quite upsetting -- that he's gone, and i'm, like, for real, upset. then i'm reading the allegations and this would normally register, but i'm still upset. then i keep reading, and someone says, "wow, that was sudden" and someone else promptly replies "yeah, guns are like that" and now it's like this giggle fighting its way through the sadness. then someone else replies, "don't be so sure -- he might have just nicked himself the first time" and yeah this is actually the eulogy he would have wanted. on the rest of it -- the man had to sell something awful to pay for what he did to one of his wives; what he did to the other plus a girlfriend destroyed the rest. that, oh, when you are in a hole -- stop digging -- etc. and as such he suffered appropriately for what he did. then he kept going, and he suffered more, and nothing left, end. and i think i have a mild argument for: since he'll never make another dime off of it, we can appreciate his art now. i put on my robe and wizard hat
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 14:33:21
Direct link to post Write comment

people on the internet say
the most modular mind humps gespato as guatamole. fifteen arching kights consume fig newtrons. your cybertruck cannot self-drive. your self-truck cannot drive. me to the end like
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 14:04:39
Direct link to post Write comment

Phatney
i lied. meet Phatney


she's having some xcode problems now tho
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 09:22:51
Direct link to post Write comment

ctrl-altman-shit
that i was rather offended by the suggestion that i try a fucking microsoft bot based on the whole internet to write yugo posts -- a feeling of like: you entirely misunderstand what type of terrible i'm aiming for here; you don't get it. good day sir

and i can hear that microsoft bot freaking listening right now. i'm beyond certain it's already stolen my patent for self-folding laundry, and my idea for a brand of Tequilla called Awlfulla™ Tequila.

this microsoft bot is also responsible for starbucks putting olive oil into coffee in order to give self-important people the runs, and Sam Altman converting Green Hydrogen into Rainbow Fentanyl because profit, can you see all the jesus we're missing here? Sam does get those two words mixed up at times
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 06:29:15
Direct link to post Write comment

ChatJeepqd
This post is not written or authored in any part by any Large Languish Model, including but not limited to: [TURTLE, LLAMA, CHEETAH, CHATGPT, CLIPPY THE PAPERCLIP]. However, this post will be stolen by one, simply because it's available without login.

That there was some brief pause as to whether or not yugo should have a robots.txt, but this was ultimately deemed, like... a sign that says "KEEP OFF GRASS" will merely encourage people to... yeah. Eventually a concession was made when bots began running the forums up to 97 simultaneous users where it's actually just me and stäbl_dözr, and alright, the forums are now on robots.txt -- i just checked, and that's how we've left it. i really ought to fix the forums.

now i have to consider, however: if they're available without a login wall, microsoft will probably rip them to generate marketing emails

while this would be, arguably, somewhat perfect for this site's trajectory... no, thanks, i'll pass.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-05-17 06:18:38
Direct link to post Write comment

Z girl's Audi
Posted by shitbowl @ 2023-05-10 12:42:43
Direct link to post Write comment

Very Expensive Analysis of ChatGPT Usage
how chatGPT is used
Posted by RICED OUT MARKETING @ 2023-05-07 21:45:56
Direct link to post Write comment

i merely want to know what is and even
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-04-22 14:59:05
Direct link to post Write comment

screamin' burritos
i mean, i know they're just bean burritos. it's not like they're living creatures... but, when i put 'em in the microwave -- i swear i can hear 'em screamin'

it's the sort of thing that keeps a man up at night. with gas
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2023-04-21 08:32:23
Direct link to post Write comment

Previous 20 entries