Riced Out Yugo
perpendicular lines
Given that all IDM is shoegaze but not all shoegaze is IDM yet all shoegaze is music but not all IDM is music how in the world did RDJ ever afford a battle-tank?
Posted by shitbowl @ 2017-01-26 17:41:43
Direct link to post Write comment

photoclypride semiglucose
Oy m8 u got heat on that new gescom mix ya?? Yea bruv I got that Dyson in my coatroom; the same model hoover. Oi Bruce you hard to that new gescom Trax?? Me m8 knows how hax toaster on that new gescom trax too.
Posted by shitbowl @ 2017-01-25 01:42:27
Direct link to post Write comment

victorian jingle
    armwaxin' !
     ..are taxin'
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2017-01-23 05:23:20
Direct link to post Write comment

i am getting the giggles
the giggles are getting to me
i am getting the gotten-to giggles
the gotten-togiggles are gettin gaggly

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2017-01-22 08:27:14
Direct link to post Write comment

dr. how
who. how. nannergraemms. n'er noticed until dees abend ver dis how d'was.

how. who. now. there is only the how. the who and near. polynomial c by aphex twin.

who you are never stops changing. how you are is equivalent to who you are at any given moment. why you are is another question entirely

or perhaps it's a matter of perspective: "how are you?" asks a friend. "here is who i am, right now: [duiofgjdklgjdkfgfkdgdf]."

i am certain -- certain -- that we're on to some curdwontenders, here: ohw. woh. hwo. what do these word mean?

perhaps it is this quadratuple: ([how are you?], [who i am!] [woh are you?], [ohw you are])

does the oxford donctionary have an address at which i can send them words? tahnksksss
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2017-01-22 07:04:23
Direct link to post Write comment

it's like, seriously...
...who has ever come home (a couple times [maybea threye]) to find tom jenkinson wedged in the tea cupboard? with his fat little head. trying to escape, but the area is to small
Posted by shitbowl @ 2017-01-19 17:34:43
Direct link to post Write comment

i mean, really...
...who hasn't come home (once or twice [possibru moar]) to find luke vibert trapped in their bathtub? with his long legs. trying to climb out, but it's too slippery
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2017-01-17 20:12:00
Direct link to post Write comment

Are you smoking medical marijuana on a school nightagain?
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2017-01-11 05:59:05
Direct link to post Write comment

When emotions run at a dangerous level for so long it becomes numbness. A world in chaos is only in chaos as long as it falls within the relative scale of what chaos is. Wildly vague statements like this are ultimately, within a scientific approach, useless. However they are interesting.

Trump was a fishing man, a casual observer. From his boat. Some might say a fishing mans crumpet, a fish of a crumpet, a fisherman crest. I liked how language is linguistically prevalent in this particular contour.

The tooltip, GUI, helpbar-@~/ thing was black and white I swear. For a second. It was trying to tell me something but I didn't hear what. I don't have much interaction with crows and I am starting to be thankful of that. Red kites and I seem to have a good coexistence, you're cool enough in the fashion department to get the gig but still could scare the shit out of my cats. wait, are those different things? Pretty sure that is the same thing.

I heard something about crows and I would like to say anyone prospecting for the part of a dominant crow has my absolute and evanescent support. Furthermore I would like to declare somewhat of a protoplasmic invertebrate on our talks with the introduction of diplomacy incorporated. Diplomacy INC will now handle all of our communications and transactions. I feel that as a proud leader of communication incorporation ltd. I have fulfilled my goals as a human, and as an entity.

The great onca whale, once a spectacle of much beauty, is a depleted race. The whale a friend of man for many aeon has truly captured discovery. we ask for justice in this time of great papers,.';'';

let us live

A formal divides, I let a colour pass in the tracks. Endless bytes in the void, where they belong, the playlist is not on demand, by that I mean it is on not on my demand. The high lord of withingdon swipes his sword in the magnetic recess of acceptance. FULL CREDIT> REJOICE!!!

Don't worry sir, I'm from riced out yugo. Please stand back.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2017-01-01 23:33:46
Direct link to post Write comment

team building excercises
Posted by shitbowl @ 2016-12-29 18:12:54
Direct link to post Write comment

things are broken
because i am
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-12-15 10:00:52
Direct link to post Write comment

rtqp broke teh forumz
hey rtqp y u brake forumz!? u playin wit crowz too much/?

hey rtqp y u broke forumz!? me and mahjonggg problably have cool chit to put on there and everyone wold like oit.

hey rtqp y u brokin forumz?! ball wuz about to make to make a triumfant return.

hey rtqp y u brakin forumz?! hyperfukbot gonna broke dat a££.
Posted by shitbowl @ 2016-12-14 17:39:55
Direct link to post Write comment

counting crow
Welcome to Module II of the Crow Drama Microcosm. perhaps stop by Module I: Operanting Cawndigitally.

The crows and I have a routine down, now: They wake me up at 6 or 7 in the ungodly AM. Perhaps even earlier. I then spend five minutes listening to their caucawphonic racquett and do my best to ruin it. To zippit. zip! zzz. Then the crows leave, and I sleep until perhaps 9 or 10. Then the crows return. If I need more sleep, I ruin their fun for another few minutes, and then we're good until 1pm. I wish they'd sort out that they can caw all they want at 6am, but, please, not in the tree next to my window? I didn't think crows were clever enough for that, but I may be wrong.

Today was a 1pm day. I spent a third slice of five minutes ruining cawdom and got up. The crows are reliably irritating when I'm trying to sleep, but by the time i'm smoking a zig out on the elevated wooden on the back of the house thing, I am essentially "over it" and "whatever mang."

Da crows can hear me through a closed plate-glass window from down the street, so I imagine my irritating noises come through crystal-clear when I'm actually outside. and over it, and actually awake, and feeling more mischevious than crabby.

A single crow was cawing. The others had not returned; perhaps this one never left. As far. No, the other left... CAW! cawcaw.

Pressurize your mouth so the area behind your upper-lip visibly bulges. Use your lower lip to hold your upper lip steady -- by the edges. The center of your upper lip begins to form an arc under these conditions, as as escapes out. The lower lip is used to control the size of the arc. The size of the arc determines the pitch of the resulting obnoxious lip-fart noise. It is one of these things I've always done, but never sat down and really sorted out properly. I had no reason to. It was a stupid mouth noise. Now that it's my go-to crow irritant, though, it's gotten real dialed in. My enveloping abilities are incredibly snappy.

This has, oddly enough, elevated the dialogue. I was on the porch, today. Caw caw caw caPPPPPPpppprtTTT! silience. Caw CAW CPPPpppttt. ttt. t. silence. CAW CAW pppt.

Do you see what he did there? He figured out I was going to zippinate him on the third caw and so stopped at two caws. this allows all the other crows to be sure that my irritating noise and his irritating noise are entirely separate events. He is victorious. They often are victorious, in fact, but they're sore losers, and you usually only have to win a few times to drive them nuts. Usually.

Crows will start off at five CAWs, zippit. then three caws, zippit. two, zippit, and about half the crows get annoyed and flap off at this point.

The game changes when you get down to a single CAW. If the crow has stuck around, it's one of the more dominant, aggressive ones. In crow poker, all the nervous nellys have folded and this crow is calling my bluff. The cawing goes from uniary CAW (Attack-Decay envelope) to CAAAaaaaawwwww Cawwwww cawww (ADSR envelope). As the crow has gone from sharp little pulses of noise to long bursts, quick little lip fart noises become rather ineffective. The only way to make it work is to interrupt them just-so: two thirds of the way through their final caw. A microsecond after their first caw starts -- they cut off, startled. you have to know precisely when the caw is coming to do that one -- it's like nailing the drop in NIN's "march of the pigs." i have to concentrate on the CAWs thoroughly to manage it, and most of the time i can't.

Annoying an ADSR-stage crow produces a few types of results.

One is a rhythmic clicking noise. I'm not sure what it means exactly, but if I had to take a stab in the dark, it's the crow equivalent of cussing someone out under their breath... but, yes, just loud enough so they can hear you, and yes, i am talking about you buddy, you fukin' guy. It's like an arpeggiated rhythmic clicking, though, and perhaps its a rhythmic kernel. The crow hears my rhythms are jarring into his and is attempting to beat match me to his tempo by providing a kernel of crow metronome...

The second is a single CAaaAAAaaWWWwww. Deeply nuanced. Vaguely reminiscent of someone going STaaaahhHHppp! in many ways... but, angrier. Get off my lawn. I'm cawWWWwAaaawwing here. A handful of crows are just astoundingly into it -- and, yes, it's exactly like that "Staahhhp!" thing that people will do. It makes me giggle.

Today, though, this crow was very cawnsistant. insistant. Smarter than usual. I got him down from five discrete AD-env CAWs to four. Usually crows will go down to three, but he tricked me and did two; My lip fart noise landed entirely outside of the crow-annoyance zone. I got him the next time on two, then he switched to ADSR-env. We dueled for a while. I actually struggle to think of how the crow could have played his hand any better, which is pretty impressively smart for a bird.

Then my zig was almost smoek. No more messing around. I switch over from discrete lip-fart noises to singing loudly. It dawns on the crow that all the shit I just did was my AD-env-game, and my ADSR-env-game is something awful and terrifying and totally un-understandable by crows. The crow leaves. Tomorrow, I think I'll try using the Benny Hill theme for this situation, should it arise
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-28 20:08:15
Direct link to post Write comment

wat happen
the website went away for a bit! then i got a 500! then a php error! now the forums aren't working! why do these problems keep happening? the answer: they keep happening because they've already happened and they are being recursively unhappened as happenly fast as possibru. take deep breaths. perhaps de-affix the layers of newsprint you've been using to eradicate all trace of sunlight
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-26 23:12:12
Direct link to post Write comment

talking with the interface again
you got me walking on eggs, arnold, but i'm trying to make some sunny shine up but i'm i'm i'm i'm no general midi. no sir. rambleshelling up in the totes. totes. all. lee. now what? a teacup. white. floral pattern. on a saucer. no, a normal one, not one with whirlygiggLEDs. no, wait, i've lost it, i'm thinking of a drone that's an anti-anti-anti-drone done because who can keep up with that shit, these days? that teacup is buried in the attic somewhere. with the picnic. and the snicker-snack. the kerplutz. the kerpow. stored like a hoarding horder horde hoarding fuck m8 do you have a bit of trouble with that sometimes? yes, yes, and also yes. thank you, you've been a kind and understanding HTML form element
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-26 03:18:21
Direct link to post Write comment

fictional random walk
eiwase osoutho d'bordeux von albert sed hallo. hallo albert! von blattplex not mit gebowserhausen. mit. nein. klapp. snare. no, the 808. it's 5x5, get it? cats down with the hypercube. alirhghttttt, g'day abalbberbbttt. b. vonamblen kintinisthetics along mittervovervobotten mitcheboygen gedunst gedunst gedunst. hallo peter! mitCheboygen hast d'nougaeuxte? ja. borp. sehr borp. blapp. snare. no, the 909. word, das hypercube. allblapp! snare peter bon bon. b. shuffletrausen kerslapp g'doeurvement compleux. walky mitvontchauelkiey. kerflailers mitgitgignite: kerbang! kerbang! hello officer. sorry for exploding noises in your area. snare. no, the CR-78. yessir, it's a very square cirtitizen of rumbleboxen. off with mine platter. p. less fanciggigleaux daroundakornarenden den kersplode mit malarkerie:
kerbang! kerplop! asplode!
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-25 02:18:42
Direct link to post Write comment

cartesian maximus
flutter junket to the robot canal, first elbow connector under the sign for jaundice. no, the yellow one. by the river. in the bay. down by the boardwark. no, wark back. pereuive gone d'bouer
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-25 02:09:18
Direct link to post Write comment

operanting cawnditionally
the crows again. and again and again and again. my current nook is, thankfully, free of crazy neighbors, but there is a little unrelenting echo of a certain someone in there: every morning, the crows wake me up.

there is a big tree right outside my window that is a tree island of sorts. every morning, crows begin to gather in the tree: caw! cawcaw caw! they are incredibly loud, and the position of the tree places them very close to my ears as i sleep. they wake me up. then they either keep me up, or wake me up right after i fall back asleep. their peak starts at sunrise -- 5 or 6am -- and lasts for hours.

there was the familiar progression: "wat? oh. crow." to "lol" moves to "alright stop please" moves to "this is getting irritating" until finally "i am mad" hits after a week and a half and i am yelling out my window. at crows. they stop, briefly, then resume as they were. now wat?

clearly, i have to take a more targeted approach. i surmise that the caw-ing is a form of sonic dominance, announcing claim over turf. the crows fan out and stake out a good spot and defend it like small air-raid sirens. at 5am. you bastards

after outright yelling a few times didn't cut it, i'd like there in bed, making noises. singing sometimes. lip fart noises. seeing how much it took to get them to notice -- and i'd know when they noticed, because they'd stop caw-ing for a moment.

it's like scene from austin powers where dr. evil is going: zzzip it! zippitudinal! zipps mccguillicutti! when a problem comes alonCAW CAWWccaAzzzip it! then silence... caw. cawCA- ZZZipp it! i'm gonna let you caw, but.... zip it.

this was mostly done because i was too tired to get up but too harassed to fall back asleep. so i lay there, fucking with them. eventually, they left. for a few minutes...

whenever they bothered me after that, i'd do the austin powers/zip it, i'ma let u caw, but... shit. i got very good at it. it actually began to get proper deep, in a sleep haze. my eyes closed, just listening for the caw.

to do the "zip it" routine, you need rhythm. you suss out the rhythm of the party to be zippinated and lay in wait. sto- ZIP IT! why are you ju- ZIP IT! are you quite finished? becauZIP IT! you know? you have to play a little rhythmic chess game with the opposite party for it to be optimally irritating.

the crows spike up when another noise -- say a passing car -- spikes up and dies off. on the tail end of the noise (relase on an ADSR) they begin to caw. noticing this, i listened for the cars, as this often put me in the perfect spot to tell the croZIP IT!

this was remarkably effective. i became able to drive them off more quickly. but how can i do it even more quiZIP IT!? i realized that it's like a crow has just found a way to make cold fusion work and he's stepping up to the mic to claim his nobel prize, saying, "i made the cold fusion re-ZIP IT!" i made it. not you, crow. i lay claim to your invention.

the hijack, i realized, is where it's at. dial into their pattern and be there to claim it. bookend the whole thing in your own noises, so the crow's loud trumpet is buried in the middle like nougat. it makes it seem like the crow noise is simply a small part of my own noise. they've put so much work into cawing, and now i've taken all the credit. they absolutely hate it.

there is so much more to it: lying in bed, eyes closed, i started to be able to pick out individual crows and maintain a sense of where they were in relation to me. this allowed me to irritate individual crows in the swarm. once i had this down, i realized that certain crows are more dominant than others, and if you're all ZIP IT to the dominant crows, it dominoes, and they leave, and the other crows leave, and other crows see those crows leaving and also leave.

the crows are like little clusters of neurons hooked together into a LAN. they form a sphere of influence that belongs to the CROW namespace via squabbling with each other noisily. predators disrupt the network and trigger the crows to move on. in a distant sense, it's like the crows form a hive mind, and this, truly, is what you are trying to irritate the living fuck out of. the hive mind has to notice you, get annoyed, and roll off like a tumbleweed.

i've gotten exceedingly good at it. in the time it took me to smoke a zigguruaut on the porch, i managed to clear out every crow within earshot. not a single crow for a half-mile in every direction. i know this, because i can tell very clearly when they can hear me... but i don't need that, this morning, because i can't hear any crows at all.

you'd think the problem would be solved, at this point, but they'll be back tomorrow. at 5am.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2016-11-23 16:02:38
Direct link to post Write comment

420 smoke everyday
in moderation
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2016-11-20 22:37:07
Direct link to post Write comment

news from the theta belt
Posted by shitbowl @ 2016-11-13 00:36:40
Direct link to post Write comment

Previous 20 entries