Riced Out Yugo
The successful placement of this pipe is good news for the city of Seguin, Texas.

The city has experienced a series of major problems in its attempt to extend sewer service to the Oak Village North subdivision. Several years ago the city permitted its contractor to destroy a significant number of trees when the sewer line was installed adjacent to the Geronimo Creek at the Seguin Outdoor Learning Center on US 90. The contractor was faulted for its failure to provide portable toilets for its workers, at least one of whom lived in the woods during the project. The next phase of the project began when a new contractor installed a manhole directly adjacent to the creek on the north side of US 90. Subsequent floods washed out much of the soil around the upper section of the manhole's concrete structure, causing a defect that has yet to be properly repaired. This contractor ran into much more serious trouble when the foreman reported they had inadvertently formed a large void under the Union Pacific railroad track while boring under the track. The void was at least partially filled with 100 cubic yards of grout, which the foreman said was insufficient to fill the entire void. Shortly before Thanksgiving of 2011, the project passed under the IH-10 bridge over the Geronimo Creek and reached the point where the pipe would cross the creek. The engineering plan called for the pipe to be installed in a hole bored 5 feet under the bottom of the creek. However, the foreman reported that the pipe had arrived at the creek some 2 feet higher than expected and that he was concerned the pipe would penetrate the side of the creek instead of being installed 5 feet under the creek bottom. His concern became reality when the pipe pierced through the east bank of the creek. Water entered the pipe, flooded the boring trench and made it difficult to properly weld the sections of pipe to one another. The project came to a halt when the pipe was bent during an effort to complete the creek crossing. Seguin eventually filed suit against the contractor and its bonding company. In January 2013, a new contractor built temporary dams across the creek, pumped the creek water around the open section between the two dams, pumped the water from between the two dams, removed the defective pipe (which was lying on the creek bottom) and excavated a trench across the creek. A pre-welded 155-feet long, 30-inch diameter steel carrier pipe was successfully placed on a bed of gravel in the trench the evening of January 23, 2013, during a well coordinated operation by excavator operators whose respective machines on opposite sides of the creek lifted and then lowered the pipe by means of sturdy straps. The pipe was covered with a concrete cap the next day. Assuming this crossing performs as designed, the sewer pipes now being installed in the subdivision will be connected to the pipe that crossed the creek sometime during the next few months. Hopefully, the excavated banks of the creek will not experience severe erosion during the next rise and the vegetation and trees that once covered this major excavation project will eventually return.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-10-10 05:22:52
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Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2020-10-04 03:50:48
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them are large

Them is a large birds roosting, but you cannot see them because you are either blind or using the Links browser on a Tamagotchi.
Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-10-03 14:53:15
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Uncle Matt and the flabergasters
Posted by shitbowl @ 2020-09-16 20:59:47
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wok review
1) is this wok performant?
2) would you say this wok is better than other wok(s)
3) would you be willing to write a letter to the ministry of silly woks

thank you and god bless.

--ukmangu killeranimanjiwok,
prince, heir to the throne
internet cafe, 419, nigeria
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-09-03 00:56:42
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Behold, Loyal Netizens,

an architectural marvel of our Modern Times. Constructed by the Large and Reasonably Intelligent Peoples of Pangaea in the Year of Our Cone 6, the Q Headquarters are a demonstration of our might and resilience throughout all of Time.

This is an image of a building which you cannot see for whatever reason, so I shall describe it to you. Yes, even those who are blind shall see. So anyway, the building defies geometry. The building says Q. Only Q. You like the building. You must like it. Hail the Q Headquarters. Hail the TRIANGULAR and CONIFEROUS architecture.

so yeah, it’s a pretty fucking fancy palace imho, if we do say so ourselves, which we do, because look at its downright majestic stature and impressive typography. That is not something you will get from your average store-bought Headquarters, oh nononono! Nay, this is something else, and it is Pretty Freakin’ Radical™, if we do say so ourselves again, which we once again do, because, well, it is.

If you have any questions, please feel free to fax them to us. We do not actually have any legit answers but we’ll be happy to make some up for you :D


Building Lad and Fax Line Administrator at Riced Out Construction

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-09-01 13:49:51
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unhealthy foreman
the atmosphere is
on this day, year 1965
Posted by shitbowl @ 2020-08-19 17:02:50
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g’morrow, my children,

indeed it is now time for you to learn the Ways of Conversation, as exemplifieded with the below exctract of a typical and normal discussion with your fellow carbon-basded life-forums:

<Cavid> u see what i mean, they’re a buncha musical delinquents
<hobernort> no they aren’t and you don’t think they are
<Cavid> corrupting our children’s minds with their symphonic works
<hobernort> noooo theyre not you’re wrong
<Cavid> you are right, my mind has been changed
<hobernort> but has it?? hmmm im not so sure
<Cavid> you have opened my third eye now sir
<Cavid> i thank thee
<hobernort> have i? is your third eye really open?
<hobernort> it honestly seems unlikely.
<Cavid> yes, and you too can open your third eye by checking out today’s sponsor, Riced Out Yugo
<Cavid> relevant vid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQvXTRKvt5A
<hobernort> is that video relevant? i dont think so. maybe reconsider
<Cavid> well not strictly relevant but i remembered it and it funni
<Cavid> “and if you don’t reconsider, i might consider reconsidering myself”
<Cavid> —Reconsiderango, 2011
<Cavid> inb4 “but was it REALLY rango though”
<hobernort> you sure you remembered it? youre SURE youve linked the right one? im not sure. and i don’t know if it was funny either. based on your historu it probably WASNT funny
<Cavid> it’s levi*osa*
<Cavid> no levio*saah*
<Cavid> actually i’m not sure if it was leviosa
<Cavid> might wanna fact check that
<hobernort> you sure?
<hobernort> seems like a harmful path to me.
<Cavid> yeah not sure about that pal
<Cavid> either way it’s a yikes from me
<hobernort> i think you are sure
<hobernort> and i dont think you’re yikesing
<Cavid> i disagree, i’m very sure i’m unsure rn
<hobernort> i think you agree.
<Cavid> let’s agree to disagree.
<hobernort> no i think that’s counterproductive
<hobernort> i think you know the answer but you’re withholding it from yourself
<Cavid> no i’m not, i know the answer and i’m not withholding it at all from anyone
<hobernort> do you ?
<Cavid> yeh
<hobernort> do you know the answer?
<Cavid> sure
<hobernort> im not so sure
<Cavid> well you might wanna consider why that is
<Cavid> is it because you’re scared that the answer might be questionable?
<hobernort> hmm im not sure you want to know that.
<Cavid> or that the question might even not be answerable?
<Cavid> i do want to know that
<hobernort> no you don’t
<Cavid> in fact i already do, it is you who doesn’t, and who needs to fix that
<Cavid> open your eyes
<hobernort> i think you’re wrong and my eyes are already open and i know your version of the truth is all wrong
<Cavid> well that’s your opinion. but it’s still wrong
<hobernort> is it?
<Cavid> honestly idk, this conversation is making me question a lot of things? even things i didn’t realise were questions, now they suddenly are?
<hobernort> i don’t think this conversation is making you question more i think its making you realise all that you don’t question
<Cavid> so it’s opening my third eye
<hobernort> well if that’s what you think 🤷‍♀️
<hobernort> seems pretty dumb to me
<Cavid> that’s cus you don’t have a third eye
<Cavid> or rather you do, but you’re averse to opening it
<hobernort> am i? how do you know this? are you once again basing fact off of intuition??
<Cavid> to quote you, that’s a harmful path if you don’t open your third eye dude
<hobernort> i never said that
<Cavid> you’re right, sorry
<hobernort> you’re not sorry
<Cavid> you’re right, sorry
<hobernort> are you?
<Cavid> no
<hobernort> what if you are?
<Cavid> sorry not sorry
<hobernort> what if your feelings were obsolete anyway?
<Cavid> what if i got an extended warranty?
<hobernort> would you?
<Cavid> no thats dumb, i much prefer to carry on using obsolete feelings
<Cavid> honestly, quick disposal of things is so yesterday.
<hobernort> im tired see u later
<Cavid> ok bye, have fun opening your inner eye


Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-08-14 01:53:15
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Pordered Malter Matter Mixer Baker

i’m as sane as a an apple,
bluebird solely quart mince pie:
sell the brating of the tapple
in the gauging of the lie—

andered orders, quonchely, farsting;
contemplating endwards swarf
in the blissing of the parsting
of the mating of the norf.

do not know, and do not question
where the bound allies of sonder
mix with tapestries of vestion
in the daily midbreak wander;

ringled matching bend with sterning
to condemned of contemplation,
doing deeds of brute concerning
every single warring nation.

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-07-30 22:07:21
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File Edit Options Buffers Tools Halp!!

wat has my yarn so aunty, so aunty
hoist cheboygen the venerated style
strutting wat's wat in da river of da nile
rubber band rhymes cause causticrative spiral
concentrated venerated regiment for miles
suckaz try to beat me
all they do repeat me
while they all freakin
i just
speak easy
slighty breezy
that calm bedlam that make u queasy
so easy (whoa, whoa), smartly cheesy (whoa, whoa)
the quick, the slick, the aboriginal yeezy
when it just too much
call it out as such
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-07-25 01:59:47
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Politically inclined
Posted by shitbowl @ 2020-07-09 11:13:38
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i need this for my solo
swollen pickle pedal
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-07-02 00:09:37
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God fuck Oliver ain't no pig farmer
for (;;);{"payload":{"actions":[{"cmd":"append",pickle":"static_templates","html" :"","replacepickleifexists":true}], "pickles_arn't_real":false,"bootloadable_picklefarmer":{},"fixData":{},"fuxData":{},"pklData":{},"qqqData":{},"resource_map":{}}}
Posted by shitbowl @ 2020-06-30 17:43:41
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[Opinion] Space–time Continuum Bending is Making Musicians Lazier
pickle pickle pickle pickle pickles pickle pickle pickle pickle

It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”

much misunderstood musical means of

But surely the real issue is not that music is becoming lower quality directly through use of the STCB, but that, through its use, musicians find themselves thoroughly bewildered by the inconsistencies and distortions that its use brings about in their lives. After all, space–time continuum bends don’t make music worse, people make music worse. The fact that musicians are falling into depressive states after their lives are ruined so they just don’t feel the motivation to play ukulele now that their grandma has been killed before she was born is nothing but sheer irresponsibility on the musician’s part.

There is our answer, then: music is not getting worse, not getting lazier, as a result of the STCB; instead musicians are simply not using their tools responsibly. Hell, I’m a musician, and I am using the STCB feature on my guitar right now, just to prove how easy it is not to fuck things up. You just have to be responsi

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”


have threatened legal action, saying this harms the economy, the environment, and their delicate sensibilities, the little shits. But what do they know? They’re not musicians, they’re just scientists. Fuck ’em, I say—fuck ’em.

much misunderstood musical means of

Edit 2020-13-56: We realise this article failed to mention the pickle situation and regret the fault. Pickle pickle. Pick that pickle. Ick that icicle, pick. Nick that nickel.

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-06-30 01:23:58
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Gherkin Data
[NOFORN/COMINT] The gherkin secretly placed inside Voyager 1 has now aquired an estimated IQ of 970.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2020-06-30 01:02:15
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brandson bandishment vs. bizzled cheef
BAILIFF: All rise!

BAILIFF: Department Forty-Two of the Ricedior Court is now in session. Judge Watnik presiding. Please be seated.

JUDGE WATNIK: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of Brandon Bandishment versus Bizzled Cheef LLC. Are both sides ready?

COUNSELOR LOU: Ready, Your Honor.

COUNSELOR VLAD: Ready for the defense, Your Honor.

[tape fast-forwards]

COUNSELOR LOU: Did you, Brandon Bandishment, along with your band, Brandon Bandishment and the Hoggs, play at the aforementioned establishment, when a dispute about the space-time continuum broke out?


JUDGE WATNIK: Yes or no, please.


COUNSELOR LOU: Did you refuse to continue performing your contractually obligated show over a dispute about pickles?

BRANDON BANDISHMENT: Our tour rider -- we explicitly said -- pickles can -

JUDGE WATNIK: Mr. Bandishment, please answer the question.


COUNSELOR LOU: No further questions.

JUDGE WATNIK: Does the defense wish to cross-examine the defendant?

COUNSELOR VLAD: Absolutely, your honor.

JUDGE WATNIK: Make so be it.

COUNSELOR VLAD: Mr. Bandishment, could you explain the conditions listed in your tour rider?

BRANDON BANDISHMENT: Most of it has to with equipment and set-up but we are very clear that we cannot, will not perform at any venue that serves pickles. Pickles interfere with the space-time continuum, which I need to bend to play the solo in 'Space Burrito. Most venues are perfectly happy compromise and suspend the sale of pickles for the duration of set, but The Bizzled Cheef rubbed pickles right up in our-

COUNSELOR LOU: Objection! Brandon Bandishment is engaging in puffery! No pickles were rubbed.

JUDGE WATNIK: Sustained.

COUNSELOR VLAD: What happened when The Bizzled Cheef refused to suspend the sale of pickles?

BRANDON BANDISHMENT: It utterly ruined my solo. Mr. Drucker's class ring fell right out of the space-time continuum and onto my guitar; the smell of pickles was everywhere
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-06-28 22:29:39
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brandish the branston

if ever you find yourself in a pickle such as this, it is wise to start gherkin’ off to establish dominance over the space–time continuum. show that sucka ur lil fucka; give time the slime; give the dimension no abstention

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-06-26 23:03:24
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Standing by the pickle barrel with Mr Drucker; fishing for the jewelry we fucking put in there. They're fucking arresting my husband Oliver. Mr Kimball is over there oblivious, just fucking counting the beans again. Fucking A bro. The pickles aren't even real bro. THE FUCKING PICKLES AREN'T EVEN REAL.

I'm just beefed out you know what I mean man? It's like, when time starts stopping, exist stops existing. It's just a game we're not real things man, jus like them pickles.

Posted by shitbowl @ 2020-06-26 16:19:08
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possibly philosophy
imagine some fifteen million merits style future: the ipad cube rooms are run by apple. the apple ecosystem is a squeaky-clean arcology. outside, however... everything else. like in demolition man, we have the ultra-anal squaky clean people vs. the hairy sewer people that fart and eat ratburger. why does it always seem to come down to this -- like one and zero? apple and android. is it humanity's fate to separate like oil and water? one zone of squeaky-clean fascism, and another zone of hairy anarchy.... or, well it'd be more like an apple egg yolk of fascism surrounded by an android egg white of anarchy... point is, fuck apple
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2020-06-24 01:06:47
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How to Be a Good Person

Scared you are not a good person yet? Fear not, this post will englighetn you as to th e correct terms of being. First and foremost, posture.

When being a person it is recommended to keep your back at a good 30 degree angle at all times. This is because angle = angel, and u wanna be good dontcha

Now if there’s anything that The Wizard of Oz has taught us it’s that in order to be a good tinman it has to get darker before it gets lighter. So commit mass genociyde in order to revert to your worst and most primal insticsts to kill stuff and then you can ascend to a new holy level of being supreme and cool to people

Now leading on from that analogy if you find yourslelf feeling lost and like you’re far away from home like a kansas-dwellin dood corsssed with a scaredy-cat, remember that you can tap your shoes together you fuckin g xoward ad everything will go bak to normal, thats right, all those genocided people are now ungenocided and u fixed it but now you can’t be the best you you can be now can you.

ffs you were so close but you woke up just as the dream was gettin good

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2020-06-24 00:25:54
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