Riced Out Yugo
answer the damn phone for christ sake
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-05-06 13:55:01
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mode RNA cured my tinnitus
the vaccine cured my tinnitus
and also cats like me more
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-05-06 05:05:52
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tinnitus boys are back in town
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-05-05 16:23:37
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a departing nokia CEO's final words
have never ever always but may someday
have sometimes kinda maybe but didn't yesterday
didn't have to master gravy but did anyway
penne qué pasta hegemony

EBITDA! *throws peace sign*
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-05-01 03:58:59
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movement of the future
we're all familiar with porta-potties. you lock the door after entering, and the indicator placard switches to "occupied." while this covers the essentials, i believe humanity is destined for greater things: in the year 2032, when you slide that latch to "occupied," that's just beginning. to wit:

1) occupying the unit wakes up the portastall AI
2) upon waking, the portastall AI verifies its systems. on error, the system will not even accept explosive diarrhea.
3) if all systems are go, the stall goes into poop mode:
  • A Die Hard 1 Nakatomi-plaza grade electromagnet KERCHUNKS into action, locking the door and committing you to the process (men of the future are decisive).
  • Electromagnetic shielding activates to prevent cosmic rays from interfering with your dump.
  • The portaunit begins pumping out high-BPM, high-decibel DnB/Jungle music with lots of Amens at a few thousand watts. Not only does this serve as a bona fide sonic laxative, it lets anyone within a half-mile radius know that this portaunit is most definitely fucking occupied, saving them -- and you -- a wasted trip.
  • As the DnB music heats up, the portaunit warms up the power amplifiers responsible for the laser show, and uses heuristic algorithms to sync the laser show to your dump progress.
  • Once you finish, the portastall takes off like George Clinton at the end of a late 70's set.
  • As you breach the stratosphere, the portastall calculates whether you are a VIP (and tries to sell you "bottle service") or Not-VIP (and calls SWAT because you are clearly a terrorist).
  • The portastall reaches a stable orbit.
  • After a few hours, you run out of oxygen, and die.

it takes innovation to realize a vision -- and i'm innovating all day long. consequently, i've penciled this in as stage 46c of the business plan. unfortunately, a 2032 launch is shaping up to be a tad optimistic, as legal advises me that it may take a bit of finagling to get suborbital portastall drones through the FAA approval process. even still, margins are projected to be generous so long as FAA approval comes sooner than 2047***, at which point we'll fall back to plan 88a (space needles).

***bootnote: lines in excel's chart wizard indicate that mankind will merge with AI circa 2049, after which portastalls will cease to be used. consequently, we need to get this to market by 2047, or we'll miss the window.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-04-13 22:03:54
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newly unearthed syd-barret proto-rap
i got cheese in my pocket
macaroni in my sprocket
aleph(int)s want to wall-it
my function picante max(chalet)
mixolydian funk drum machine valet(hey)
ergo tryvintz twill wafflepottijng since effervintz in aleph(int)s
wu wu wu wu wu wu

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-04-08 06:48:23
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Kor tunsi mar lo hajklian
rekne wäron sepai;
Ju neur far lo tïn da'ahan
selun-de tansaai.

Cukard tueei'd prestebovn
ehrdö tues meklojhn;
Despu vrialdii'd meklot
cuke pxihw refojhn.

Salap! Cernu'i a litrof!
Mategnva nebiscahb—
solu: Tenni'o parsicloff!
Mategnva dsenscihahb.

Mategnva, Mategnva!
Norise-di sepä!
Mategnva, Mategnva!
Po'urse-di tepä!

Seluptela nóte mikaro-se ban,
seluptela nóte mikaro-se can,
seluptela nóte mikaro-se zan:
Mategnva, Mategnva!

Ë trom i-mar lo hajkliard
tusi wäron reknai;
Haldahb far lo prenveei skard
selun-di wäron xai.

Pa'a tueei'd prestian
worelis taknan-vi;
W né skarard-vi comtiahn
enmu-vi danlisi.

Salap! Cernu'i a vimen!
Mategnva nebiscahb—
solu: Pichei-de änoten!
Mategnva dsenscihahb.

Mategnva, Mategnva!
Norise-di sepä!
Mategnva, Mategnva!
Po'urse-di tepä!

Seluptela nóte mikaro-se ban,
seluptela nóte mikaro-se can,
seluptela nóte mikaro-se zan:
Mategnva, Mategnva!

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2021-04-06 22:56:33
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diplodocus communique of thee uptoast
cross-cultural illustratation
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-04-06 10:05:03
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u kulele, i kulele, we all kulele for fuck’s sake stop it

djing-djing, bedjingbe
djung-djung, bedjungbe
djang-djang, bedjangbe
djong-djong, bedjongbe

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2021-03-29 21:08:13
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uses artificial intelligence principles and a Motorola 68000 microprocessor to create complex models of acoustic sounds
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Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-03-25 05:32:39
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  • Mandelbrot
  • Larvae Lamp
  • Why
  • Persephoneigh
  • Callous Brute
  • Road O’Dendron
  • Parcus
  • Now That’s What I Call Dog
  • Chihuahuiain
  • L’abrador (He's Worth It)
  • Mauler of Noses
  • Texerence
  • Arse Man
  • Æley
  • Subwoofer
  • Barkinson’s
  • Pollo
  • Tandy Paul
  • Noicewell
  • Exterminador de Epidermis
  • Monk Assimilation Programme 217
  • Norkel
  • Jaspercules
  • Maebhis
  • Archie the Bishop
  • Nemesis 2
Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2021-03-08 03:51:47
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everything's just so
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-02-26 16:41:19
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I only order organic siracha at taco bell
hey guys i need ur help i accidentally dump olive oil in the bong of destiny and i don't know how to clean it out
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-02-24 01:10:40
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easy payment plans available
the devil hates church, he wants to shorten it down to 55 minutes.
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-02-22 02:02:04
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i think you should like them too, if that’s alright

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2021-02-10 05:43:00
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she's got electric boobs. and butthair too. i reddit in a magazine.
shitbowl, via Riced Out Yugo limited, has now officially opened public trading of his intense fap packets. buy my fap packets wirh your monies then i get monies and u get fap packets .rhank you
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-01-30 01:34:18
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As Joe Biden proudly inaugurates amongst tension, paranoia, and germs, Donald Trump is driving to Florida with a caravan of moving trucks. It's just about the point that Biden is getting to the Point about Forging A More Perfect Union, that Donald Trump is getting to the point where he is really, horribly bored. What a loser! This speech is boring. We need some fun.

"Jared," he says, turning to his son in law, Jared Kushner, who is diving the truck. "Hey, Jared."

Nothing has been said for 45 minutes (quite possibly a record!) and it takes a moment for Jared to snap-to.

"Yeah Dad?" Jared asks.

"Are we there yet?" the Donald inquires.

"Uhhhhh no," Jared replies. It's another, like, ten hours?"

Trump puffs up and fumes. Towers and leans in; his tiny mouth a pink diamond of rage. Kushner tenses for what he knows is coming.

"BULLSHIT!" Trump explodes. "IF WE'RE NOT THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, I'M THROWING YOU OUT THE WINDOW OF THIS TRUCK ASS... FIRST" Trump lunges forward between ass... and first... for effect.

The color drains from Jared Kushner's face. "Uhhh, umm, well, uhh, maybe, uhh..."

Trump decides to let him flounder for another twenty or thirty seconds before allowing himself to crack up.

"Ahaha, I'm joking, you're such a sucker, Jared. This is nothing like the time... or, well, times I threw you out of the limo."

"Ahaha, haha, yes, real funny dad," Jared manages

Suddenly... there is an explosion!

Jared, Trump, Truck, and all, are suddenly... underneath the street?

Before either of any can gather the few marbles between, the smiling visage of Joe Biden wafts up to the passenger window, mocking trump before even saying a word. then, adding insult to injury, he speaks

"TRUMP, you punk. I've come here to pull an Italian Job on your truck, to take back all the shit you stole from the White House before you left."


"ahAhAHAHAAA (sucka[1])" Biden yells, throwing off his suit jacket.

"That's not me being inaugurated -- that's my stunt midget"

Joe Biden then stands up to his true height of 9'9" tall. Jared Kushner has already evacuated unto his pants twice (and is effectively running on empty) but attempts a third for good measure
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2021-01-19 05:53:21
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wat happen
I thought we shelved that qanon AI in like 2007, this is a PR disaster.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2021-01-16 00:26:56
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HYPERFUKBOT is a predictive text
HYPERFUKBOT is a predictive text.
Posted by shitbowl @ 2021-01-15 01:21:18
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on reflection, it was perhaps a silly idea to put rice in the toaster

Posted by TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY @ 2021-01-14 05:27:54
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