- Children are not toys. Despite their relatively harmless appearance,
children emit five times more radiation than other people under four feet tall.
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Do not store children in closed containers, because they emit gas, and doing so can result in premature explosion.
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Do not inflate your child beyond 150 P.S.I., or Jesus will come back from the dead and kick your ass, just like in that movie.
- If your child becomes overly agitated, to the point of melting metal, apply 500 c.c.'s of Harry Potter.
- Do not expose children to Ebola. Doing so voids your warranty.
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