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Riced Out Industries has recently made a sharp acquisition by purchasing the up-and-coming The Goose Brand™ brand, which -- for those of you not in the know -- sells precisely three things:
- Black Poofy Jackets with The Goose Brand™ logo
- Black Baseball Caps with The Goose Brand™ logo
- White-Label Vinyl Records [mostly acid house]
A NOTE FOR EVERYONE: I'm sure you've seen the logo of the goose wearing the poofy jacket -- clearly worth the price of acquisition alone. However, we've already had some confusion: While the official The Goose Brand™ yellow is close to our trademarked Riced Out Yellow™, it is actually Acid House Yellow. Having formally declared this, we'll remind you that using the wrong yellow is now punishable by trout.
With that out of the way, we have big plans for The Goose Brand™. We've already lined up Ansel Elgort as brand ambassador! We'd welcome any feedback on the attached treatment for our first
national TV spot as new owners.
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ansel elgort is at da club and all the girls at
his table; he takes one home
the next morning he wakes up and instead of ansel
elgort it's some pimply guy with glasses and the
chick whose house it is sees him and is like, oh,
uhh, errr.... I mean good morning¹
the guy says, "I freaking love this jacket"
then he puts it on and poof! he transforms back
into Ansel Elgort in a puff of smoke
then it's just a goose brand logo for a second or
two with a disclaimer: The Goose Brand™ will not
actually turn you into Ansel Elgort²
¹ This is 2023 and it has to be like we see her
real reaction but then we see her catch herself
and be polite because she doesn't want to hurt the
pimply guy's feelings. Because if she vomits or
something that would imply a lack of consent
² The disclaimer is in, like 60pt red font as in
ha-ha this is a disclaimer, it really is, but
we're also being ironic
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