Officer Swollen was a cop, and he always knew the right thing to do. He had a nice little home in the suburbs of New Jersey with his wife Mary, who also worked as a cop. They had two kids: one boy, who went off to college and never came back, and another girl who was just going into middle school when Officer Swollen got Woke-Funky™.
Officer Swollen's favorite activities were running marathons, getting drunk, huffing paint at the station house, beating his wife, and eating donuts in the cop shop. He was a very popular guy with the other cops because he always took care of all the paperwork beforehand so they didn't have to do it after. He also worked at Dunkin Donuts every Saturday morning.
One day Mary came home from work and Officer Swollen was getting Woke-Funky™ as fast as possible. She asked him what he was doing, but he kept huffing paint so she didn't care. The next thing she knew, a bunch of people were banging on the door, saying "police! open up!" It turned out that Officer Swollen had been eating donuts at the station house all night long and someone had seen him and called the police.
Now Mary was really mad at her husband for getting Woke-Funky™ so fast, but she didn't want to get in trouble with his bosses for not being married to a good cop who did all his paperwork beforehand and never got Woke-Funky™.
So Officer Swollen was really worried about his job because of all the evidence the police had against him, but he calmed down when Officer Swollen's bosses came over to help him out. They were so impressed with how well Mary took care of their house and kids while Officer Swollen was getting Woke-Funky™ that they gave her a promotion, even though she didn't really want it because now she had to do all the paperwork for both of them!
|
