Dear loyal netizens,

2020 has been an unprecedented time. So unprecedented, in fact, that many of us, whether watting from home or on the front lines, feel that this is now the new normal.

In these uncertain times, we at Riced Out Industries™ are certain that this is not the case. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. Wo-oah, virus in the air. Take our corporate hand, we’ll make money, we swear.

Of course, we at Riced Out Industries™ are no strangers to isolation. We’ve spent a whole eight years aboard our YUG-2091 Space Colony Ship (we call her Darla), during which we’ve learned the secrets of meaning, both committed and uncommitted suicide, and done countless scientific experiments which will maybe come in useful for something, one day. Many crewmates, including us in PR, have developed a strong desire to murder the entire lineup of Pink Floyd. But we remind ourselves each day that their lead singer George was murdered back down on Earth this year, and this has a pacifying effect, most notably on crew member Gavin Anderson, Head of Security and Arms. At Riced Out Industries™, we pride ourselves on staying in touch with the realities back down on our home planet, and we understand and feel you, man. We may be high up, far away from our old blue marble, but we’re still pretty hip down with da kidz. YOLO, my homies. You Only Launch Once.

We would also like to point out that, while we don’t have COVID-19 on board Darla, we do have our own struggles. After all, it’s not easy living a life of vacuum-borne luxury, whizzing through the starry night, eating more than enough apple pies. Sometimes our internet connection drops below 500Mbps, and that saddens us immensely. Unprecedented levels of Oof, yo.

We value your happiness, loyal netizens; and we hope that 2021 brings to you more precedented times, that you find things more enjoyable, and that you develop improved complacency levels.

Now fuck off, my space buffet’s getting cold