It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”

much misunderstood musical means of

But surely the real issue is not that music is becoming lower quality directly through use of the STCB, but that, through its use, musicians find themselves thoroughly bewildered by the inconsistencies and distortions that its use brings about in their lives. After all, space–time continuum bends don’t make music worse, people make music worse. The fact that musicians are falling into depressive states after their lives are ruined so they just don’t feel the motivation to play ukulele now that their grandma has been killed before she was born is nothing but sheer irresponsibility on the musician’s part.

There is our answer, then: music is not getting worse, not getting lazier, as a result of the STCB; instead musicians are simply not using their tools responsibly. Hell, I’m a musician, and I am using the STCB feature on my guitar right now, just to prove how easy it is not to fuck things up. You just have to be responsi

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”

ble.

have threatened legal action, saying this harms the economy, the environment, and their delicate sensibilities, the little shits. But what do they know? They’re not musicians, they’re just scientists. Fuck ’em, I say—fuck ’em.

much misunderstood musical means of

Edit 2020-13-56: We realise this article failed to mention the pickle situation and regret the fault. Pickle pickle. Pick that pickle. Ick that icicle, pick. Nick that nickel.