a summary of the market news for next thursday:
- Swiss Francs up 10%; bankers give 10-3 odds that Swiss Francs will beat Euro. Swiss Francs is jockeyed by Leonard Nimoy; Euro is piloted by Satan.
- Warren Buffet recommends not investing in BP.
- Mario's Mushrooms down 40% after public outcry regarding "psychological side-effects." The FCC is expected to allocate them more spectrum.
- Richard D. James net worth surpasses €20mln after venue pays him €1.2mln to abuse rabid fans
- Cherry Blossom IPO called a "once in a year" opportunity
- Apple down 12% on rumors that Apple products may cause herpes
- Distal Porkery denies involvement in The Ham Incident; shares still take a dive.
- Industry expert suggests investors double down on poop futures to make some money.
- Top investment mind recommends raising mallard ducks for quack profit.
- Facepalm and groan futures skyrocket.
now, sports.
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