the reverend tedward q. porktanker was born with the following special powers:
- ability to split a hair infinite times (so don't try him)
- ability to never lose an argument... unless he wants to
- ability to write yugo posts
- ability to annoy the hell out of anyone within a 10-metre radius (and some besides)
- ability to haul ass
- ability to meta-think
- ability to forge words and alter language
in addition, through his studies, he has developed the following ninja powers:
- power to move silently
- power to hold his breath for long periods
- power to confuse
- power to ingest any level of hallucinogens and have his sanity remain intact
- power to trigger chain reactions
- power to balance on things
- power to confuse household pets
he is currently in search of a new master who can help him develop further ninja powers. the yellow pages have proved unhelpful in this regard.
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