Riced Out Yugo
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Always remember kids, membrane switches make you feel like jesus
i am comforted in knowing that i, an american, have something at home.

it is my microwave.

yes, i thank Our Lord Jesus Almighty Rockin' Bling Yo Christ that i have this fabulous appliance stylin' on my linoleum.

when the terrible traffic jams leave me feeling filled with rage at my utter powerlessness in the face of the world, i calm down as i see my microwave.

into it i place my dinner for the evening - any selection from a library of convenient 1lb serving sizes or the alternate library old chinese food. i enter the appropriate hyperspace coordinates into the microwaveulator's computer. the buttons, membrane switches, respond instantly, calming me down as a beep results from my ever-so-slight touch. i pause briefly.

then i brush the start button, barely touching it. 1500 Watts of pure culinary might springs into action at my vague semblance of a touch, spotlights illuminating my work.

i feel like jesus fuckin' christ. jesus almighty fuckin christ.

god bless america.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2007-03-06 23:35:00
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