rICEDoUTyUGO ~ Lost in Yugers

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Lost in Yugers
As I was revving the Yugo to a brisk speed of approximately 25123 knots, I noticed object in my path. This object, while rather easy to plow through physically, was difficult to plow through legally. It happened to be a chap on a bicycle, decked out in one of those flamboyant skin-tight "Tour de France" spandex outfits, with streamlined helmet to boot. This was an unusual occurrence on this road, as it featured large sidewalks on either side, as well as traffic that did not normally register south of 40 MPH. This chap, however, apparently thought he was training for the Tour de France (even though it had already passed, and, I noticed, his suit was available by mail order from any number of Lance Armstrong Internet fan sites). Normally, I'd just commandeer the ongoing traffic lane, but at that moment, it happened to be occupied by a stream of speeding genlemen such as myself. Though every molecule in my body was resisting (especially due to inertia), I slammed on the breaks, avoiding being the guilty party in a rear-ending by the nearest of margins. This would be enough to cause most people to decide the sidewalk was a better option, but I suppose if he was this far from any turn-off, he'd probably already dealt with a few of these situations. That, and he probably had testosterone patches on BOTH of his testicles. As the ongoing traffic lane was still occupied, I leaned out the window, to make a gentle suggestion. "MOVE IT, LANDIS ARMSTRONG!!" I yelled, and subsequently leaned on the horn. He responded by hunching over, going into "yellow jersey" mode, and pedaling faster... bringing him to a brisk 17 MPH, instead of his previous 12. While I was somewhat mollified by any acknowledgement of my existence, I still found this solution insufficient. So, along we went, for a painfully slow five minutes. Eventually, mercifully, a break in ongoing traffic appeared. By this time, however, speed was no longer my goal, but revenge. So, after securing the lead of the race, I downshifted to first, and proceeded to drive in front of him at a blisting 5 M.P.H., slowing him down. After he started to become impatient, I began suddenly jamming on the breaks every few hundred feet. Though I drove a Yugo and risked a need for bumper replacement, I knew he'd have to pay for it - the rear-ender is always at fault, you know - and I also knew the sound would bring joy to my heart. Don't fuck with Yugoists. Yugo gets the yellow jersey every time.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-10 15:31:00
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At 2006-08-11 01:33:12, Dave [website] scribbled the following:

ROFL OMG PWNT. thats some funny shiz right there. biker < Yugo driver xD......that guy must suck tho, since my bike is a freakin 21 speed mountain bike, and i can get upto 20mph straight, and 30mph downhill. he fails at life. xD

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